So Much
by freakingenius
Summary: Lily is horny, but James... isn't? What's up with James! Written at midnight so please Rate and Review! RATED M FOR SELF HARM AND IMPLIED SMUT! dont like dont read. Summary's bad. i know haha


Disclaimer: Not mine... still... amazingly

Warning: M FOR SMUT AND SELF HARM

"Alice, I'm dying here!"

"What now my dear Lily-flower?"

I glare daggers at my best friend, "Don't call me that. And I'm just so fucking horny!"

She chuckled, "What happened to your boyfriend of what? Nearly 4 months now? Just go and shag him."

I growled. "I would, but I don't think James even wants me. We kiss, but he keeps stopping us from going further. I mean, I haven't even seen him shirtless since last year's end of year party when he and Sirius got shit-faced drunk."

Alice giggled at the memory, "Lily, the poor boy's been in love with you since 1st year. I mean, you hated him until last year and in that time, he's probably fucked half the girls in the two years above and below us."

"Are you saying that he's cheating on me, Alice Fortescue?!"

"No, Lily Evans, I am not. I'm saying that my dear cousin James is crazy and you just need to go over to your heads dorms and announce that you want to shag him silly, then rip his clothes off. I'm sure he'll get the message."

"I can't," I huffed, hugging a pillow to my chest, "he told me he's studying with Sirius tonight. He even asked me to not go into this room tonight so I don't distract them."

Alice frowned, "that can't be right. Marlene and Sirius have been making out in the common room for the last half hour at least. Why do you think I'm up here not down there?"

I gasped, "He is cheating one me! That bastard!"

"Calm down, hun. I'm sure James has a reason for lying. Lil, calm down..."

But I was gone, storming back into the heads dorms, determined to find out which slut he was cheating on me with, and then hex the two of them into oblivion.

"JAMES BLOODY POTTER. GET YOUR SORRY ASS OUT HERE THIS INSTANT!"

"Lil? I told you Pads and I are studying. Can it wait?"

I give a cry of frustration and silently unlock his door. "Is that so, you cheating son of a bitch?" I cried, bursting into his room, " At least Sirius is faithful to Mar, in fact, they've been snogging for the last... oh..."

James stood in front of me, shirtless, covered in a red liquid.

"James... is that blood?" I looked around, the bed was made and there was clearly no other girl. In fact, the one thing that surprised me was that he was holding a bloody knife in one hand and he seemed to be choking back tears.

"James... what? What's going on? Put the knife down."

The blade dropped silently onto the carpet, as his knees buckled, falling as a wave of tears engulfed his body. I was still stuck, rooted to the spot. I realised that the red was indeed blood, and was flowing from about half a dozen criss-crossing cuts across James' torso. Scares that looked like they'd been healed many times covered his chest. Before I eve realised, I was kneeling in front of him, wand out. He flinched and recoiled away, and my heart broke a little more for him.

"James, it's okay baby, I'm not going to hurt you. I love you."

He tensed as I said those last 3 words, and I felt panic rise in me. What was wrong with me?! I just found out that my boyfriend has been cutting his chest open for months and I say that?!

"I love you too."

I released the breathe I hadn't realised I'd been holding as I looked into his eyes. I healed his cuts and vanished the blood before pressing my lips against his in a slow kiss. No lust, just love. Eventually, we broke apart, and I let my hands roam his chest and abs, scarred by what was undoubtedly the knife that lay on the ground just a metre to my left.

"How long?"

It took him a while to answer. "6th year. Right after my parents died. Whenever I go shirtless, I put a glamour charm on. Doesn't mean I don't still feel it though. Not everyone's as good at harms as you. That's why I didn't cut my arms. It's too obvious. Can't keep the charm up forever."

I looked at him, then focused on the healing magic I'd learnt from Madam Pomfrey. Slowly, the scars faded until they were pink lines. "These will fade over a week or so. After that, you're not allowed to cut again. I fully expect you to come to me whenever you feel shit and I'll make you feel better. Okay James? You're not ruining this perfect chest, you sexy beast. I And if you think you're ever getting out of shagging me, then you've got another thing coming."

He smiled a weak smile. "I think I can manage that."

"Good. Now where were we?"

I pulled my shirt off, and undid my ponytail, wanting to take his worries away as well as the throbbing at my core. I wanted nothing more than to make him feel better, and I intended to do so.

"Let's move to the bed."

I grinned at his suggestion, and pressed my lips to his again.

Later that night, I lay with my face in the crook of his neck, feeling completely satisfied and happy.

"James?"

"Hmmm?"

"I don't want you to feel like you're alone. Not now, not ever. Now while I'm here."

His only response was to hold me closer, tighter.

"I love you so much."

Author's Note: Hello everyone! I was feeling... meh... and i wrote this... Not sure how I feel about it. I realise that it's all been rather dark... both my oneshots... the last couple of chapters of my multichaptered before I abandoned. Oh well. Hopefully, the next time i write something it won't be so sad. Hopefully.  
Rate and Review please!


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